I'm just a Child

Last Saturday I was off for the afternoon and a few staff and I went to some staff’s place to relax. I sat down in a chair and grabbed a book from a little table, I don’t even remember the title of it, something about lament / sorrow. Anyways I was so tired that I started to read it out loud for the girls around and then as they fell asleep, I went on in my head. I then kept reading and falling asleep and reading some more and falling asleep. I knew I was not going to get very far in the book, but still, I think it started something good in me. I can’t really describe what it did to me and I don’t even really remember why, but it seems as if these days, since I started reading that book, that I realize a bit more that I am just a child in need of my Father God. I realize that I am very little and that I am foolish and immature, that I need to go to Jesus all the time, that I need His wisdom, that it’s ok to run to Him, to cry out to Him, to be dependent on Him for everything. There is no such thing as “spirituality” or “maturity” that really means anything… as long as we always realize our deep need of a Father who takes care of us, to whom we should run to. Yes the Bible talks about being mature and “whole” but I am wondering if this “maturity” is actually, partially, a knowledge and a confession of our own inability, of our deep need for a Father, a Creator who’d walk by us every hour, because that’s the sort of relationship He has created us for. So I understand more and more that I do not know God much, that what I know isn’t a reason to boast or a righteousness of any kind. He calls me to simply rely on Him for everything. And not simply the bigger stuff… it’s maybe more something like an attitude of the heart, to acknowledge that I am just a child, even though I think I know much, or do more than other “Christians”. It sort of a good feeling too. To know that God wants to take care of me and that I am allowed to come to Him at any moment and cry out to Him with a child’s tears.