Prayer

I was reading an email someone sent me and I was a bit surprised when I read the following sentence: “I know you're a woman of prayer”. It took me off guard. Not only didn’t I expect that person to think such things about me, but I simply thought that I was not a “woman of prayer”, not even a “21-year old girl of prayer”. When I think about it, it is a privilege that people watch me live and believe that I am someone who spends time in prayer and believe in prayer, but I know that it is not the reality in my day-to-day life.
To be real I think I don’t spend more than 15 minutes in prayer everyday. It’s not only that I don’t spend much time in prayer, but there are times when I don’t believe in prayer. Sometimes I believe prayer can be very powerful, but other times I just feel it’s a routine and nothing more comes out, I feel like I’m not talking to anybody, not even to the wall, I just feel that my words are empty because they come from an empty, distracted heart. Right now I know I should pray more. But prayer is a hard duty. It doesn’t come naturally, and when I decide to spend more time in prayer, I feel like I’m trying to be “religious” or “spiritual” and I feel so fake, isn’t that stupid of me to think that way?
Praying these weeks has been a 10-minute routine for me and I don’t know if I am willing to give God more time in that way. I know it sounds wrong to say such things, but it’s my reality. I’d rather think and write or read or do some little things then to stop everything, and pray. I keep thinking that I should pray… but I discard the idea every time because there are other things to do.
Right now, the only people I feel excited to pray for are Surender, a Native Missionary in India, Sun & Aiqing, two women in prison in China for their faith, and for the people who emailed me or left a comment with the names of people they want to reach with the Gospel.
Getting this email obviously made me think about how my “prayer life” has been and is right now. I am challenged to spend more time in prayer. I’m challenged by the thought of praying when I’m done writing this… I don’t feel like doing it, I feel like it’d be a waste of time. Oh man, I hope I do pray more and believe in the power of the One who listens to my words on the behalf of those I pray for.

What is a woman/man of prayer actually?
gabeleroux@yahoo.ca

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