Party Pooper?

Since school is over at Bethany, I really feel to be a party pooper. And one of my friends told me not to be one since she was not going to be around anymore. I’ve tried, just a little bit to participate in the social stuff going on around me when I was invited. I remember writing about the “Salad Fiesta” in the beginning of May and the funny way I was “obligated” to go. I was a party pooper a few times since.
Today I was invited to go to a cabin by the lake tomorrow, a bunch of ladies working at Bethany are going, and these ladies are my age and older so it’s not like I would be totally out of place (apart for my French accent!). I told my friends I didn’t think I would go. Then they started to persecute me and tell me I should go. I myself was convinced I should go, because I had no excuse not to. So I started to discuss my anti-social problem attitude with them. It’s true that I don’t want to be anti-social, that I don’t want to be a boring little nerd, but that’s the truth about me, so I figured it was okay to talk about it. I felt humbled. I was convinced I should go, I had no excuse and I was just being self-centered, selfish and wanted to stay in my comfort zone tomorrow. I decided I would go and I am going. I am bringing a taco dip. Basically, it’s a base of cream cheese, sour cream and taco seasoning, the topping is salsa, chopped green & red peppers, green onions, tomatoes and grated cheese on top. You then dip your tortilla chips in there and that’s so good. Anyways, that’s not a recipe blog so I’ll stop right here.

I am challenged to deal with myself. With things I don’t like about myself. I’m not talking about my nose or my toes. I’m talking about my personality, my sinful nature, my weaknesses, my sins. Basically, things that are not as God wants them to be in me. I realize that it’s ok to be open to talk about those things with people around me who recognize them in me. Trying to hide my bad self won’t help me become better. In my case, these weeks, I see how big a party pooper I am and God has given me a couple of opportunities to practice the opposite: to be participating. I wonder why it is such a big deal to me to be exposed to people so that they know who I really am. I hate that, but this afternoon, as we chatted about my anti-social attitude, yes it humbled me, but somehow, though I don’t like the feeling of being humiliated because of the bad sides of me, because I was seeking to do the right thing, and not to excuse myself or find excuses, it was really good, just to know that I was being true and honest about myself. I felt like it was something a mature person does. I’m not saying I am mature, I am sometimes, for some things, but it’s hard to be open to talk about my sins.

I am learning to be selfless and not to prize my own little reputation too much. It’s a really good feeling to know that I’m honest in the face of my ugliness. Without recognizing it and having people to push me to become better, nothing good will happen. I believe that people who are real, are people who tend to mature the most.

Bank for Native Missionaries: 14$ as of May 19 2006 see www.banknm.blogspot.com for more info!