Selfless

Selfless. I’ve been thinking about that word a littlebit these days. “I don’t speak English” so often, I stumble at words and since pronunciation and understanding don’t come naturally like everybody around me right now, I sometimes need to take the time to think –really- hard at some words before I try to say them. Each letter seems to be important for me, but actually people don’t really pronounce them all, all the time, just like French I guess, but still it doesn’t make sense to me. Anyways. The word “selfless” is a fairly new word that was added to my vocabulary a few months ago. I think I heard someone saying “that was so selfless of you”. I understood right away was the person was saying (because English makes sense…) and I thought that it was a neat word that carried a profound meaning. Well maybe not that deep, but I found the concept of it all really neat, probably because it was new to me.
So, since “I don’t speak English” I think about words more than most English speakers do. Actually, maybe it’s just that I am a nerd. I remember walking home from school when I was 9ish, thinking about some words and expressions that we used that made so much sense, but when said slowly and intently, actually were cheesy ways of speaking. Anyways, I’ve been thinking a bit about the word “selfless” here’s my thoughts:
Selfless… self… less… selfless. Pretty simple, but I guess we don’t have such a word in French and I kind of wish we had one. So the reader may think that I am not writing about anything right now, I hope it’s been entertaining.
I believe that when someone is said “selfless”, it is one of the highest praise one can receive. I love being praised but I know praise should be given to God and I don’t even know how to respond anyways. But what I am saying is that, I wish I’d be seen by Jesus as selfless. Not that I don’t have a “self”, but that I give up my own self to let other people enjoy “life”. Stop being so “selfish” (hum, I wonder if “ish” means ish like 12ish or…) and self-centered and become selfless for the sake of Jesus and people.
Not putting my own desires first is always hard for me, but in waging war against my flesh (literally myself) I have found much joy, much joy. Here’s a little story:

It was the December dinner theatre at Bethany, in 2004. My job was to help serve the meat and cut it. I was doing it with a student and we decided that she’d cut it and when she’d get tired (the roast was sooooo hard to cut and required much strength) I’d take over, while she’d serve it. In all, we cut 2 big roasts. After cutting half a roast, my friend got tired and I took over. It was cutting without ceasing, ‘cause people kept coming non-stop. After finishing cutting the roast, I thought to myself, “Finally, I’ve done half of it, now it’s her turn” but… my friend did not seem to realize that it’d be a right thing to take over my job and I went on. I did not ask for her to switch jobs, as I started slicing the second roast, and as my hands were dying (almost literally) I realized that in fact, this student was probably really happy I was still slicing and that she had the easy job of placing the meat in the people’s plates. And I started to find much joy in the joy of that student (John Piper would obviously agree with me). Yes, I finally cut the last piece and when I opened my hand to drop the knife on the table, my fingers were not totally able to move and stretch as they should and looked like I was still holding a knife, it was painful, but my heart was glad, knowing that this girl had the joy of not “suffering this agony”.

That might be the only time I was selfless for a truly good reason. I want to surrender to Jesus my lack of faith, my pain, my frustrations and simply seek the joy of the people surrounding me instead of pursuing mine. I hope Jesus is making me into a more selfless Gabrielle, literally on a day-to-day basis. It’s a harsh attitude for the flesh, and the joy might not come all the time, but I can’t disobey my Savior on the basis that I don’t get the “reward” right away. That is called faith. Although, this calls for wisdom. Selflessness must be pursued in a “mentorish” relationship with Jesus and His Holy Spirit. No legalism is allowed, only genuine love. One must always be careful to remember that we are a part of the body of Christ, and not apart the body of Christ. We aren’t the doctor that will heal and encourage and hurt for everyone else (we can’t put everyone before us all the time) we must realize we are a part of Christ’s body and we have brothers and sisters with us to help us in our ups and downs, they too, are called to be selfless and if they are, then you’ll be cared for and put in front of many other people. May we all pursue selflessness. Isn’t it better than selfishness? Think about it:
Selfishness: You care about yourself and everyone care about themselves.
Selflessness: You care about everyone and everyone care about you.
Conclusion: selfishness provides you with 1 “carer”, selflessness gives you dozens of people caring for you.

My thoughts went too far for this entry.

Remember the Native Missionaries. As of April 17, 12$ has been gathered. It’ll be sent to Gospel for Asia on April 28. Please, consider giving a buck of two. Talk to me about it. gabeleroux@yahoo.ca

Thanks to all who prayed and hugged and emailed me for encouraging me in these hard little last days. May God bless you and do good to you.