Does anybody come to a point sometimes when one feels like, I don’t know if I am a Christian anymore. Because I do. I know that I trust Jesus Christ alone for my salvation, but because of the sins that I make, and not just the sins I make naturally without really thinking about it, but I think about the sins I wilfully make, right in the face of the Holy Spirit, in other words, I wilfully decide to grieve the Holy Spirit. Why? Because my sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that I do not do what I want (see Gal. 5:17). Sometimes, I am tempted to do something I know I shouldn’t, I clearly hear the Holy Spirit telling me to do something to get out of the grips temptation has on me, but I lack self-control and love for Jesus and seriousness and I am lazy and I enjoy the easy way and pleasure of sin, so I just give in. Knowing that I am not doing what is pleasing to God, knowing I will be down and discouraged about myself because of my sins, I simply do it anyways. What does it mean?
A few years ago or so, at Bible School, I had to choose any passage in the book of Romans and write a paper on the topic. I wrote about Romans 6 (We’re dead to sin and alive in Christ… what shall we say then, shall we go on sinning… etc.) I argued that because we were still in the flesh, we were struggling with sin and… well, I don’t remember everything. The teacher read my paper and wrote a full page of comments. He was not agreeing with my opinion and was saying that most commentaries and etc. thought that Paul was talking about his old life without Christ (when he was under the law of sin) but now he was under the law of Christ, which made him free from the law of sin. I don’t remember much that he wrote, but one thing I remember is that he said “I hope you don’t have two natures in you”. Meaning that he believed we don’t have the sinful nature and the Christlike nature both at work in us at the same time. Anyways, I have trouble with his opinion and I actually think that it’s scriptural to believe that sin (flesh) lives with us and we are free from its bondage, to obey Christ, or sin.
I know that for sure: sin abides in me, there ain’t any question about this truth for me. I struggle to obey the Holy Spirit and when I do, there is no reward. I feel like I’ve been waiting for the bus to pick me up to the amusement park, but when it comes, I turn away and go home. No fun. And that’s it. Saying no to sin usually doesn’t give me any good feeling. And actually, saying no to sin hurts my flesh so bad. It hurt me to say no to me.
I try to find ways to hate sin. When temptation comes, I love sin. But when it is consumed, I hate sin. And I would like to be filled with this holy burning hatred for sin, all the time. I don’t know how though. I am making it a point to pray about this issue everyday. But I don’t know. It’s hard to focus on the eternal rewards of hurting my sinful nature when today I don’t see any good result, apart from being boring to myself… I mean, my flesh. It’s hard but I need to keep my eyes on the joy that will come later, and beat my body and make it my slave (that actually a verse somewhere in the NT!!!)
So I know I belong to Christ, but what does it say about my relationship with Jesus and my love and my seriousness in all that when I sin “in the face” of the Holy Spirit?
Your thoughts? Just leave a comment, email me. gabeleroux@yahoo.ca
3 comments:
Wow. If it's any comfort, Gabe, the way you describe your feelings is what I feel sometimes too. I agree with you that, based on our experience of the Christian life, Christians still have a sinful nature. We have this nature in us that is incapable of doing what is good and that wants to just serve ourselves. I think it's scriptural too. Think of Paul writing to the churches in Corinthe or Galatia(??). He addresses them as members of the body of Christ. Yet part of the reason he's writing to them is to pinpoint the ways they've messed up and tell them to turn away from sin in their lives. So, it seems from Paul's viewpoint, Christians still have this sinful nature. If we had only Christ's nature in us, would we not stop sinning?
So yeah, I agree that it's hard to say Yes to God and No to ourselves. Cochonnerie! We fail God so many times and disobey him to his face as you said. That's scary, I think. Yet apparently, God's grace covers even these willful sins of his children. Hard to believe.
Hey, I was reading these verses this morning...Colossians 2:20-23. I don't know why they made me think of your blog. Maybe it was the part you wrote about "beating your body" to make it a slave of Christ. Verse 23 says:
"Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence." I'm not sure what an example of such regulations would be, Paul calls them human rules. But it was interesting, because apparently, some kinds of discipline, though they may appear wise, actually don't help us resist giving in to temptation. What do you think?
Take care,
I hang out at Randomness Signed Gibbons.
p.s. I love the pix of your shoes. I don't know why. It's very artsy. :)
i know this blog's about two years old, and i stumbled upon it accidentally but it's as if you literally said every bit of my thoughts word for word...hope that you've grown to hate the sin in these past couple years since this was written.
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