How can I stick to the plan when I don’t know what is the plan?

So, every year I find myself thinking about what will happen with me “next year”. I really dislike it when people ask me “So, what are you doing in the fall?” I usually respond with a deep sigh and different possibilities. The thing is that, I don’t like choices and possibilities, I just want to be told where to go, I just want God to clearly tell me what He wants, I’d be happy with that. The thing I omitted here is that God does reveal His will for me every single year, just not in my timing.

The way my brain works doesn’t make sense to me. When I started working a second year at Bethany I was convinced that it was my last year (and I am still convinced) so I decided that it was finally time for me to go to university. I like to be in control and to know everything, I knew that God that had grown in my heart the idea of starting university a few years ago but I had pushed it away, for human reasons. Last semester I decided I’d stop to depend on myself and trust God about university and apply, I didn’t know where I’d live or how I’d pay for it all, I just decided to do what I thought God called me to do. I felt like God was saying “Finally, you surrender”. God did lead me in the choice of universities I should apply at and it seemed to me that He wanted me in Sherbrooke, where I learnt later on, that a bunch of my friends where moving together. I guess that confidence started to build up in me, since I had the opportunity to move with them. It was like, my “plan B” if God’s plan wouldn’t work. It doesn’t matter if I go to university or not, I know where to take refuge. So I wasn’t trusting God as in the beginning but I did not notice. Things changed and finally I wouldn’t be able to move with these friends anymore. Well, I could but things would be more complicated and etc. so I guess God used this to call me home and make me copy one hundred times the words “trust me” on His blackboard. He is so loving. I had started with faith, now I was relying on man. And now, again, I think that I’ve come to the point where I surrender to God. The burden is lighter, much lighter.

I have no idea where God will lead me and how, but I know he will. He has been faithful every year. I don’t think I’ll be accepted in any university I applied; new dreams are building up though. I don’t know what to think, I guess I’ll stick to the plan, I’m learning that my part is to trust God and God’s is to reveal and teach me the plan.

This morning I read Jeremiah 17. Verse 5 helped me to realize that I had turned my eyes to man when they were first on God. It says, “This is what the Lord says: ‘Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for His strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord.’” I pray that I learn to surrender to Him and trust Him alone.

BANK FOR NATIVE MISSIONARIES: 25$ / as of March 24, 2006. We plan to send the money to Gospel for Asia so they can buy a kerosene lantern (29$) for one of their most needy native missionary. Please consider providing for the little 4$ left. Money will be sent on March 29 so, please let me know soon if you’re giving. Thanks again to all who provided money yet!