Further Thoughts about Love (don't take my picture seriously but take these thoughts seriously!)

So in the last entry I simply started thinking about laziness and it led me to conclude (partially for sure) that often I am lazy because I lack love for the people around me. While I was thinking about it in the cold streets of Hepburn, I didn’t think my problem –my sin- was a lack of love. Oh, I say “was” but it still a reality for me today, I have little love for people so I am slow to help or frustrated to do things for others or have a hard time praying for them, and being lazy in my walk with God –having little passion in reading His Word and praying, no to seek time with Him, show that I have little love for Him. But don’t take my words as truths, only as thoughts coming from a struggling girl. Anyways, this is not Sunday school, so I don’t need to survey our last class.

I was hit again by God’s Word about love. I know I lack love –major. But God used His Word, not only thoughts of mine in the chilly Saskatchewan. A few days ago I was reading Revelation 2. I like the beginning and the end of this book, everything in between has a obscure meaning to me. Anyways, I was reading chapter 2, what Jesus had to say to the church in Ephesus (v.1-7).

“I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.” – To this point everything seems to be pretty smooth. But having read this book a few times, I obviously felt that things were not as neat as they seemed to be. And I knew this description of the church looked like my own. Jesus goes on, “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the same things you did at first…”

I really felt like this was not the church in Ephesus, but Gabrielle herself. I think I can discern the right from the wrong in “biblical / spiritual / religious” matters (the everyday stuff) and I know lots of things about the Bible and I think and etc. and all of that is good in itself, but the thing is that, this church was upright in its knowledge and sufferings for Jesus, only they had forsaken their first love. I wonder how this can be possible. How can one do and think the right things about God and even go through hardships and trials for Jesus’ name and lack love for Him? How can it be? I’m not sure at all about it. But I’ve been thinking about it since a couple of months without having any biblical example (looks like I’ve found one).
I’ve been thinking about 2 things.
First, one can do and think the right things only out of duty or habit. So the heart isn’t involved, the love isn’t there.
Second, one can do and think the right things, only to “be like” these holy people one has heard of. You read and hear stuff about these “super Christians” or Puritans or Missionaries and you long to be like them / have the same relationship they had with God, so you devote yourself to apply to your life the same disciplines and etc. they had. Sometimes this leads to maturity and it’s good. But sometimes it leads to a fake pursuit of holiness, of God. It is done out of love for ourselves (wanting to be like these great people, not like Jesus…).

So if I know the right stuff and even suffer for the name of Jesus my love for Him can be lacking. Because if my heart is absent from my actions – even suffering for Jesus can be done with wrong motives – then, there is no love for Jesus. When I say “wrong motives” I don’t think (only) about things that are obviously wrong. Wrong motives are sometimes hard to find, but they are often found in our self-love or pride (I suffer for Jesus because people will think I’m a great Christian) and it’s hard to really know what drives us… well, it is for me.
The NIV and the French (LS) use the word “Forsake” / “Abandonner” to describe what happened. I’m thinking, when I forsake something or someone, is it for nothing? I usually forsake e.i.: peanut butter for honey (although together on a bun these two are amazing) do you get the point? I say good bye to something in order to embrace something else. Well, maybe not all the time. But it makes me think, when Jesus says to this church that they forsook their first love, they left it for what or who?
I must say that I don’t know and I don’t feel like thinking right now. I would love to write and think more about this, I shall do that later hopefully.

Please leave your thoughts and comments; you do not need to own a blog to drop a comment. I am not sure if I communicated my thoughts properly, I am too lazy to explain everything that could lead to confusion and this is getting long.

Do not forget our brothers and sisters in Asia, we still need 4$ (dead line is March 29) to add to our 25$ to buy a kerosene lantern for a native missionary out there and yes, you are welcome to give a buck or two to help! gabeleroux@yahoo.ca